Today’s Page a Day Calendar Stephanie Pearl-McPhee wrote a little blurb that had me laughing, but at the same time thinking almost with a stunned clarity at the fact that while I am a relatively new knitter with only 4 years under my belt, I make some of the same mistakes that experienced, seasoned knitters make, and that make me feel sort of good about myself.
Ever knit (lace) and have a huge problem with a row and have to do it over and over and over again? The first time you’ve got stitches left over. The next time you run out of stitches before you run out of pattern. The time after that you have too many yarn overs, and the time after that you have all the decreases all wrong and the whole thing is a mess. Then, finally, after ever so carefully working your way across the row with meticulous attention, diligently reciting the pattern to yourself as you go, “Knit four, knit two together, yarn over, knit two together, yarn over. Knit four…,” You get to the end and it’s perfect. And you sit there, just freakin’ thrilled with yourself and feeling like a genius, and then it hits you: You are proud of yourself for counting to four successfully.
Yep, and someday I may learn to count to five successfully.
Tags: Knit One, Knit Two Together, Knitting, Yarn Over
This is pretty much a copy of the emails I have written to place after place seeking help for my dog Maggie.
I have written this letter so many times that I should know it by heart – I have sent it out to so many places seeking help, but I don’t even get the courtesy of an email informing me that they can’t help.
My dog Maggie is one of the nicest dogs that you will ever meet. Maggie has been with us for almost 10 years. We got her from an animal shelter when we lived in Nebraska and I can honestly say without too much prejudice that she is THE best dog ever. Her temperament has always been sweet and gentle, she is kind and loving and not only a great companion and joy to me, but also a great dog with my grandchildren, who all love her to pieces.
Five years ago, Maggie began getting fatty tumors as her breed (German Short Hair/Chocolate Lab mix) tend to get, there was one in particular that we had looked at by her vet, and it was diagnosed as a simple non-malignant fatty tumor and we were told not to worry about it unless it got bothersome for her. A year ago the tumor started to grow bigger, and in the past three months it has really grown to an enormous size and has been rubbing on her leg while she walks, causing the skin on the tumor to break open in little sores.
We have talked to several veterinarian offices, but unfortunately most want in excess of $1500 – $3000.00 to do the operation to remove this cyst. In 2006 my husband Tom was injured at work and lost his job, six weeks later I was hit by a drunk driver and lost my job, while we are both actively searching constantly for jobs, we are struggling to make ends meet and our credit has suffered – we cannot afford this amount of money to get Maggie the surgery she needs. Most offices want payment in full or offer a credit application – and since we can’t pay in full and our credit has suffered, this isn’t an option for us either.
In the past two months I have emailed the University Of Minnesota Vet School and received no response, so I called them and was informed what I already knew – there was no help there for Maggie. I’ve called a countless list of other Vet offices and found the same to be true everywhere – pay in full or credit. I’ve called a dozen or more Pet agencies trying to find help, there was only one place that called me back – and even that one place doesn’t seem to be able to help. I’ve called the places they suggested, but only one of them could have let us make payments, but said that with a tumor of that size, they wouldn’t be able to do it because they don’t have the necessary equipment to handle such an operation.
I’ve written emails to all the local news stations and newspapers and have received not one reply, not even a courtesy “we got your email but sorry we can’t help” reply. I am devastated.
Maggie’s tumor continues to grow and is now beginning to affect the way she walks and moves and continues to break open little sores and my husband told me this morning that if we cannot find any help for her soon, we are going to have to seriously think about putting her down. I asked if he was serious, and he replied that he was, that it would be the kindest thing we could do for her so she doesn’t suffer. In my heart I know he is right, but it doesn’t help my heart from breaking. You see, Maggie is my first dog, ever. Most of you had dogs when you were kids, I never did. Our family had a dog, but my mom always got rid of them for some reason or another before I had a chance to attach to them, and then when I was 14 I was bit by a dog and had to have rabies shots across my stomach so until I was 37, I had quite literally sworn off dogs out of fear until I met Maggie the day the local animal shelter held an adoption day at the place I worked and Maggie and I locked eyes. I had to call my husband to come purchase her before someone else saw in her what I saw in her. She has been my baby ever since.
How do you look into those big brown eyes with the most beautiful long eyelashes I have ever seen on a dog and say a final goodbye to the one who has been your very best friend for the past 10 years? My eyes well up with unshed tears just thinking about it. I know that in very very near future, I am going to have to put her down and cut her life short because I can’t afford this operation she so desperately needs. Its only a matter of weeks now.
Tags: Fatty Tumors, Finances, Maggie, Pets, Veterinarian Care
(a.)
Without color; not distinguished by any hue; transparent; as, colorless water.
(a.)
Free from any manifestation of partial or peculiar sentiment or feeling; not disclosing likes, dislikes, prejudice, etc.; as, colorless music; a colorless style; definitions should be colorless.
I am colorless.
Lately I have no particular sentiment or feeling. My still waters run so deep that no amount of persuading will bring out the thoughts within.
I have had days of feeling blue, I have had days of being in a black mood, or being so angry I saw red, I’ve even been tickled pink, but never in my life have I felt as colorless as I do now. Not even my baskets full of yarn inspire me to draw forth the creativity that lies underneath this colorless life of mine.
I walk from one tiny room into the next and stare at the walls, the floor, the ceilings and nothing catches my interests. I stare out the windows and the world outside is just as colorless and lifeless as I feel.
Even the birds are silent today.
Each day I get out of bed, drag myself to the bathroom, look in the mirror and think to myself, WHO IS THAT WOMAN staring back at me? I don’t even recognize myself any more. In my mind, I still looked the same as I did when I was 28, 38, 40… What happened?
Instead of seeing the woman with smooth skin, bright eyes that glitter, and long, rich, dark brunette hair, I see a woman who’s skin is still smooth, but there small wrinkles forming around the same eyes without the glitter, and hair that is now short and more peppered with more salt then with pepper. In some parts of India, woman who have gray hair are seen to have great wisdom…in America, women who have gray hair are seen as old. Being an American born and bred, what do you think I see?
I saw Old.
My life has not turned out the way I wanted it to. In fact, twenty years ago, I would have never thought that I was going to be partially disabled by the time I was 46. Honestly, ten years ago, I had thought that I would be living the life of my dreams by now. When I married the man of my dreams, and moved to Minnesota I had thought that we would be moving towards a healthy and happy middle age and then in time a secure retirement. This has proved to be so far from the truth, that I can’t even cry over it.
When I look back over the years, I see many things that I have done that were terrible mistakes, but I also see many more things that other people think were my mistakes that I don’t see as mistakes at all but in reality, blessings.
Its funny how some situations can bring about the worst consequence that you have ever experienced, yet in the end you find that it has really been a blessing all along because you were looking at it the wrong way. The reverse is true also.
While I would like many things to be different about my situation, I can’t help but see now that there is a purpose in all of this. It has taught me what is most important in my life.
Family, Love and Faith.
So I’m getting old…at least I can.
Tags: Blessings, Faith, Family, Life, Love, mistakes, surprises
Hmph! I spent the last half hour writing an entry, and when I pushed the publish button my damn wireless connection switched connections on me and I lost my post. For some reason the save as draft function that occurs automatically didn’t even take effect.
Grr!
Oh well, I guess it just means it was meant to not be posted. I was just complaining about being sick again anyway.
Tags: Lost Posts, Wireless Connections
From my Page A Day Calendar by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee:
“In her wonderful book Folk Socks, Nancy Bush writes of knitters living in Aberdeen, Scotland, who specialized in knitting stockings. By the late 1700’s, these knitters were turning out an incredible number of stockings for export, and Nancy writes that a knitter could make two pairs of stockings a week. (Keep in mind that stockings are longer than socks.) She also writes that when these knitters’ needles were not in use, they were stored in a barrel of oatmeal to prevent rust. That’s what I find stunning. At two pairs of stockings a week, how was there ever a time when the needles were not in use?”
I’m lucky if I get two pair done a month. As it sits right now, I have one finished sock from one yarn stash, a partial sock knitted from another totally different yarn stash and a third sock started from that yummy yarn I purchased a week or so ago…how in the world did those women create two pair of stockings a week?
Their fingers must have been flying across those rows.
I was going to try to do my writing on the balcony, but its dark gray skies and very cool winds out there this morning, so instead while Tom catches some sleep on the couch, I figured the quietest thing that I could do would be to sit in here and try to come up with a meaningful entry.
Once again there are so many thoughts running through my head that rather than giving me something to write about; its distracting. Those sorts of thoughts of all the things that I want to do, need to do, long to do and have to do and it makes it hard for me to sit still.
We are breathing sighs of relief and giving our thanks to God that He has answered our prayers and Brad is doing well. They released him from the hospital on the 5th after several tests and procedures – they inserted a scope & dye up to his heart through his groin and was pleasantly surprised to find that his heart is extremely healthy & strong and that there was NO evidence of the heart attack that they had told him he had. The cardiac surgeon was surprised because he was prepared to find a bad artery and insert a stint and be done with it. The one thing that they did discover is a slow valve – not significantly slow, but noticeably so that it may have been causing the problem. They were going under the assumption that the illness he suffered for three days prior to the onslaught of chest pains is probably what caused the valve to malfunction. They are placing him on heart medication for a year (plavix I think they said), and he must return every 3 months for continued tests and what not to make sure that all is working like it should. So this is all good news.
Tom and I took our granddaughter Lexi to the doctor yesterday, both Mommy and Daddy had to work so we gladly took her. Its her ears again. Poor thing, she has had such a go with ear infections in her 3 years, and now the right ear drum is bulging and infected – this all so soon after the last issue with a ruptured ear drum – Mommy is taking her to her specialist today – they may need to do surgery and put tubes back in her ears again. The other ear was so filled with wax that they couldn’t see the ear drum – both Mommy and Daddy felt like they did something wrong and didn’t clean her ears well enough. I couldn’t stress enough how untrue that is – some people, some kids just have an excess of wax buildup and you can’t clean it out with a q-tip for goodness sake or you hurt the ear. Naturally they blame themselves – but being one of those people with excess wax, I know that no matter how much you clean your ears, unless that wax falls down, or you flush it, there’s nothing you can do about it. Flushing her little ears after her drum has been previously ruptured is not something a parent should do – that is up to her doctor.
My oldest daughter Melissa and other two adorable grand babies will be here for a long visit next month. I cannot wait to have them here. Melissa wants to place her oldest and Lexi in swimming lessons while she is here – I think that is a wonderful idea – get them while they are young. Then you don’t have to worry as much about them falling into a pool, river or lake and drowning.
I need to hit the job boards and get back to searching for work. Part of me, the mental part is ready to go back to work – its my body that betrays me and I worry about how well I will do and how long I will last out.
Tags: doctors, Family, Grandchildren, weather, work
One more day and we should be out of the house FINALLY. I had to pay an extra $100.00 just to stay in there for 3 extra days while we finished packing, hauling, & cleaning. We are almost done. I didn’t realize just how much crap we actually have.
I’m sore, every muscle, every joint and every bone hurts in my body. On top of this my monthly started, and I have the flu. I am about worn down to a frazzle.
This evening, as we were packing up a load of trash to take to the dumpster here at the apartments, Tom’s feet got tangled up with the tarp and he tripped and hit his cheekbone on the corner of the trailer, almost knocked himself out and busted open his cheek. It needed stitches, but with no insurance he wouldn’t go, so I had to clean it up and butterfly it shut as best I could. He will have one heck of a shiner tomorrow. He said he is going to tell every one not to piss me off. Well, at least he has a sense of humor.
Could you all do me a favor and pray for my son-in-law Brad (Melissa’s husband). He was admitted to the hospital today and they think he had a heart attack, (and he is only 31), but they are not sure yet. So if you would mention him in your prayers I would be so thankful.
I’ll let you all know any news as I find out any more information.
I get my internet hooked up Monday – I’m piggy-backing off someone else’s connection, so I don’t like to stay on it too long. Hopefully once all this moving and unpacking is done I can start blogging normally again.
I can’t wait to show you knitters this lovely yarn I found at a local yarn shop to knit some awesome socks! Heck, I can’t wait to start knitting with it!
Tags: ill, internet, Knitting, moving, packing, Socks, son-in-law
Well the big day approaches and its time to tear down the computer system, which means I will be offline for awhile, unless I can find a wireless connection to hop onto on occasion until I get mine up, but its not like anyone will miss my drivel anyway….
I can’t wait until all of this moving business is done. I’m so tired of it already.
