December's Illusion

My world is a winter wonderland; there is so much beauty outside that words fail me. I don’t think that I have ever seen scenery like this in my lifetime aside from pictures or in the movies and I find myself wishing that my words could eloquently portray what my eyes see, or that my camera could capture it so that I can show you the beauty that surrounds me.

This snow, the way it looks, brings about so much peace inside of me that I am awed and humbled in its presence. What a glorious way to end 2005.

Every year at this same time, I have done a year in review. I had already written that review, but I know now that I will never use it; my feelings have changed from that of two weeks ago. Last year, I said one of the lessons I had learned was that life was supposed to be lived and not watched, but I was only partially right.

You CAN have both. You can live life by getting out there, being in it, creating wonderful memories, and you can also sit back and watch the world around you and create just as many beautiful memories by watching the world around you, that world closest to your heart, to your life.

Because my life has never been simple, because it has been filled with…I won’t say more, but enough of it’s share of tribulations, pain, illness and injury; I have adapted and found the good sense to cultivate whatever blessings I can find and try to always look for the best in every situation.

It hasn’t always been easy, and while there is much about this past year that I would not like to relive, or even think about, there is much that I have found along the way to be truly blessed by and even extremely thankful for.

Through the darkest months of my illness, one blessing shines out – I gained a wonderful relationship with my youngest daughter Stephanie. She was there for me constantly, quietly and lovingly supporting and caring for me, showing me her love and devotion as only a daughter can. I was, and still am extremely grateful to her for constantly being at my side, spending hours upon hours in the hospital with me, there when I fell asleep and still there when I woke. I am truly blessed to have such a loving daughter and I do not think I have ever said that enough.

In the same darkness, another blessing came disguised in fear, reinforcing my will to fight to live. I sloughed through some of the murkiest waters I have ever been in, clawing and climbing my way up from the hands of death because my oldest daughter called me and the fear I heard in her voice, the broken sobs between words gave me another reason to fight that strengthened my resolve to beat this thing that held me.

(The view out my front door this morning)

It’s snowing. It started snowing last night before I went to bed and I knew that my view would be breathtaking upon wakening this morning…I was right.

The snow is a heavy wet snow…snowball-fighting snow, snowman-making snow…go out and make snow angels snow…and the little girl in me is awakened. I want to don my silk under clothes, put on my wool socks and heavy winter boots, coat, mittens, hat and scarf and take a walk through the woods, with my camera ready…yet here I sit, looking out the window, wanting, not doing.

Why? I ask myself. Is it laziness, too many other things to do, or simply that I am satisfied to sit here and watch from my window? I’m not sure I have the answer…yet.

I think that it is because I am satisfied to sit inside and enjoy the view from the window. I love days like this…these are baking days, doing the laundry days, snuggling on the couch under a warm, soft blanket, reading a good book or watching a good show days.

Warming the house with home-baked goodness, the scents of banana bread, cinnamon rolls and cookies wafting through the house, making it feel like home. Carrying a basket full of warm, clean clothes up the stairs and inhaling the warm scent of Tide and Downey mixed together as I fold them to bring out a clean freshness to the air, and then relaxing over a good book with a hot cup of tea.

I have the answer now.

Snow days…a time for me, to relax however I feed my need.

(Looking at the front of my home)

Click pictures for larger image

I know, I know, I am to blame. I bought the darn thing for him for Christmas. But honest, if I hadn’t he was going to buy it for himself. So at least I got him something that I know he likes. Right?

Okay, so he doesn’t just like it. He L O V E S it. I think he loves it more than he loves me. Every night I threaten that he will sleep on the couch if he doesn’t stop playing the thing and come to bed. It is the threats that bring him to bed though, not me. I know in his dreams, instead of lovingly caressing me, he is fondling the controls in a frenzy to bring about whatever havoc those unknown buttons will bring, waiting impatiently for the sun to rise in the morning so that he can once again take control of the universe he has created.

I should have known he would be so obsessive with it; he used to be that way with the games on his computer. Now, his own PC hates me because he is never on it anymore. It sits next to me, and I feel its rage piercing into my back…mumbling its discontent because his hands no longer stroke the keys on the keyboard for hours and hours at a time…it tells me that it is all my fault and I hang my head in shame.

I’m not sure if he is Obi-Wan Kenobi, Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, R2D2, Chewbacca, Darth Vader, or just one of the Jedi…hell, the way he acts he is probably the whole Jedi out to win the war with his special powers that binds the galaxy together in this new world of his.

I can see him in my mind, sitting up there on the couch, his head weaving back and forth, bobbing this way and that, his whole body in movement with the game that he plays. There is a glassy gleam in his eyes…he is transfixed and no amount of talking will bring him back to the present.

At the dinner table, his utensils become extensions of his controls. His thumb and forefingers twitch as they shovel in the food, he gulps down glass after glass of milk as if he is refueling himself for another long battle. Towards the end of dinner, his eyes start glazing over and I know that I have lost him once again as his body moves of its own accord and he retraces his well-worn path into the living room and he sits with a satisfied sigh once again.

In my mind, I devise ways that I can plug a virus into that thing that I purchased all in the name of happiness, but I mentally cross them off for failure, knowing that there is a 3-year extended warranty on the thing that he would race to claim.

Yes, I have become a PSP2 widow, but I hold out hopes that some day, somewhere someone will start a support group and I will not be alone in my anguish, there will be other women like me, somewhere, someday.

What happened to Tolerance in all religions? I have never been one to publicly shout out, denounce or promote my own religion because I feel that this is a personal issue and one that is best kept to myself, but darn it all, there comes a time when enough is enough.

If we are supposed to be tolerant of other displays of faith, why is it that so many people and organizations alike are suing because of Christian beliefs? Christmas is a HUGE example on this. If you do a search on Google for “Cities being sued for Christmas Display’s” you will get page, after page of documentation of organizations suing other cities and communities forbidding private citizens to display their decorations of faith.

At “Christianity Today”
“In Connecticut, a library is refusing to display paintings of Jesus’ nativity and resurrection as part of its rotating display of local art. In Queens, New York, a woman is suing a school because it would not allow her child’s nativity scene to be part of its holiday display, though it allowed a menorah and an Islamic crescent. The Indiana University School of Law caused a ruckus when it removed a Christmas tree and replaced it with a generic winter scene. Outside Detroit, the city of Troy has decided to forbid private citizens from placing Christmas displays on city property. Around the United States, it’s the annual “December dilemma”: how do you celebrate a religious holiday without being sued?”

When did a “Christmas Tree” become a Holiday Tree? In the past we used to say “Happy Holidays” because it encompassed New Year’s as well and it was easier than saying “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year”, but there seems to be a different reason behind saying Happy Holidays now, we say it now because we are afraid of offending someone who may believe differently. I ask myself what the real reason behind Christmas is, and I wonder how many people have forgotten this very fact.

How far is this going to go? I am afraid that in the future my grandchildren will have no clue as to the real meaning behind Christmas.

In the future, all will have to blacken the windows during the month of December to hide the fact that we are celebrating “Christmas”. No angels will be allowed to top any tree because to display any of this in the open we will fear being arrested or sued for religious intimidation. Those porcelain figurines most of us have of miniature nativity scenes? You may as well pack those away now, because some organization will be rounding those up soon enough to destroy.

Christmas music will be outlawed and we will no longer have the freedom to play the tunes of so many years past – all CD’s will be confiscated and burned in a huge bonfire. Christianity and the birth of Jesus Christ will become a bad word, one that you will be fined for even speaking. Those that are openly Christians will be “marked” with a scarlet letter to punish them for their lack of tolerance to another’s belief. I thought that this idea behind tolerance for religions meant ALL religions. I guess it does until you are in the majority, and now we have become politically incorrect and culturally insensitive because our views are different from someone else.

If other religions are allowed to publicly display their faith, why isn’t the Christian religion allowed to as well? Will Muslims that publicly kneel on sidewalks and such to pray to their God be sued? Some religions wear specific clothing because that is their faith, can they be sued for wearing it in Public? Is it going to come down to having to hide a cross beneath our clothing because it may offend someone?

This is America, is it not? The land of the free, freedom to become what you aspire to be without fear of retribution for being different? If you want to display your “Yule” decorations, if you want to display your “Menorah”, your “Islamic Crescent”, what ever your religious artifacts are, I have no problem with that because I am strong in my own faith that I am not intimidated by it. I am not afraid to accept that someone else thinks or feels differently than I do. I can accept the fact that we are all different and unique in our own ways…this is what makes America beautiful.

As for me, in my house and my family…we are celebrating Christmas as the birth of Jesus Christ. We have a Christmas tree, Christmas lights, Christmas ornaments, and a beautiful Angel adorns the top of my tree. We are reveling in the warmth and love that this blessing has given our family for many years in the past and many years in the future and we will be promoting Good Will toward ALL.

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Las Posadas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Bodhi, Ramadan, Eid Al-Fitr or Yule…I wish you much love, warmth and tolerance in the season…dare to be different and proud of it and allow others to do the same.

While I don’t usually partake in these, especially on my blog, I thought his one was a bit fun…

1.Eggnog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate

2.Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Santa hasn’t wrapped presents in our home for a long time, so I do.

3.Colored lights on tree/house or white? On tree they are colored, and if I had my own place they would be white on the house.

4.Do you hang mistletoe? I used to, haven’t done that for many years…I wonder why?

5.When do you put your decorations up? Usually the first of December, and they stay up until after the New Year, sort of a tradition my mom instilled in me.

6.What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Boy…I don’t know that I have one except my moms candied yams.

7.Favorite Holiday memory as a child? I don’t really have one.

8.When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I can’t remember.

9.Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? It has always been a tradition in our family to open one gift and the rest we open on Christmas morning.

10.What kind of cookies does Santa get set out for him? When the girls were small, it was either sugar cookies or oatmeal raisin walnut cookies.

11.Snow! Love it or Dread it? LOVE IT! I adore a White Christmas.

12.Can you ice skate? Doubtful, I haven’t done it since I was about 12.

13.Do you remember your favorite gift? All gifts I have received since I can remember are special, I don’t know that I have ever had one favorite one.

14.What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Being together with family and friends, the warmth of the season, the goodwill towards others. Its a magical time of year.

15.What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? I must be really warped, I don’t have a favorite here either.

16.What is your favorite holiday tradition? Giving my daughters an ornament that was especially picked for them to represent the past year.

17.What tops your tree? For 17 years I had a porcelain angel dressed in white lace that my daughter Steph picked out of a catalog when she was tiny, this year I purchased a new angel dressed in gold brocade and my old angel went to stay with Steph to top her tree for years to come.

18.Which do you prefer Giving or Receiving? Most definitely giving, I love to watch the faces of others opening gifts that were made or bought specially with them in mind.

19.What is your favorite Christmas Carol? Silent Night

20.Candy Canes! Every year I buy a box to place on the tree – this year my granddaughters even enjoyed them.

21.Favorite Holiday Movie! That’s a toss up between A Christmas Story ( You’ll Shoot your eye Out!!!) and Santa Claus is Coming to Town.

I received an email last week from my sister in law, with some info informing me that the movie seen at the link below provides a hopeful sign that we can change things by going outside of conventional wisdom.

It is so exciting to see how the power of being connected by the Internet may allow us to manifest waves of conscious change. Watch the movie and see if you are inspired to pass it along. It is short but powerful.

Click on the image to be transported and watch the movie very closely.

Okay, so I was inspired to pass it along, and found it intriguing. Maybe you will too.

I just have to show you the latest pictures of my new Grandbaby Alexis

Isn’t she adorable? She is growing like a weed and her facial expressions change so much everyday, and her grandma loves her very, very much!

Have you seen the video…”Boondocks”? Its a country music song about a group or guy, that is from the boondocks and proud of his tinroof upbringings…

Well, in light of the holiday…I think they should play this movie in conjunction with it…too cute!

I have an addition to add to the previous entry….

To realize
The value of a job:
ask someone who was terminated for no apparent reason,
right before the holidays…

Read the rest of this entry »

From an email from a friend:

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still
born.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to
Meet.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or
plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

To realize
The val ue of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in
the Olympics

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all!