For heavens sake! Do you have to buy every pattern you want to knit or is there some place that you can search for free patterns without having to go through a whole ton of spam advertisements first? All I want is a pattern to make stuffed animals, preferably a dog and or bear! Geesh!
There will definately be more on this topic later!
Well, I don’t think that is the exact title I was looking for, I think I was thinking of the first part of that song…”It’s my Birthday…” So, I was meaning I will spend it how I want too and if one of those ways is up at midnight, making slideshows…well, then…
I have several bottles of the new “Derek Jeter” Driven fragrence for sale. This comes with a free gift of a toiletry case.
If you are interested please click for my Avon site.
Life has been taking me to places that I have never been before and moving me slowly, but surely away from the things that I always enjoyed – I’m having a hard time making my way back and the times that I have hurled myself at those things that I enjoyed, the guilt from knowing there are so many other things that I really need to be doing has pushed away any thoughts I had about sitting here, checking in on my blog lists and writing.
I continue to build the foundation for my AVON business. Despite BFG’s gentle and kind warnings and advice, I hope to make a success of this adventure.
The Neurontin that I was put on a few months ago continues to be a guessing game. In my opinion all it has done has make me gain weight and sleep alot, and when I am not sleeping, I am fighting sleep. Even now, as I sit and try to write my eyes droop and I feel the weight of sleep trying to over take me. My dose is at the highest they can put it – 7200 mg per day. I have another appointment in January…I am 99.9% positive that he will take me off the Neurontin and try something new.
It’s crazy to me that Christmas is almost here. It doesn’t feel like it should be – there has been no snow on the ground to make me even feel in the Christmas spirit and from the weather forecast it doesn’t look like there will be any. I have our decorations all up and I’m trying, really trying to find the love for this holiday that I had for so many years before. Sometimes I feel that little giggle down deep – then it disappears as quickly as it came.
My 45th is just 5 days away. Hmph. I’m not sure what to say about that except that for the first time in a long time I am okay with that, I’m even contemplating letting my hair go gray.
I said I was contemplating it. That doesn’t mean it will happen.
Time moves too quickly and I am getting about as Illusive as my domain.
I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. I don’t know where the days are going, and I stand around half the time scratching my head…
This is my to-do list:
1. Finish wrapping presents
2. Sew shirt for mother-in-law
3. Sew blanket for niece
4. Sew blanket for nephew
5. Get gift cards or presents to mail for other 4 nieces and nephew
6. Buy or make napkin rings for 2 presents I made
7. Sew a small bag to accompany gift
8. Finish Christmas cards
9. Put up the Christmas decorations
10. Get my AVON business going
a. Take bagged bundles around to neighborhood doors
b. Complete application for checking account
c. Go to local businesses with catalogs
d. Sell, Sell, SELL
11. Find time for knitting projects needed by February
12. and clean the house all while I am doing the above…
So if I am not around for awhile (like I have been anyway!), please know my thoughts and best holiday wishes are with you all.
Hope to talk to each of you soon!
It’s gray, gloomy and cloudy. I seek something to alter my state of mind…yet I don’t know what I seek. Is it the bright shiny objects that are packed away in the basement garage that I have been thinking about bringing out for the holidays, is it the car in the driveway that beckons me to hop in and drive…anywhere. It may also be sleep, just so that I can shut out all the thoughts that clutter my mind during my conscious moments, taking me this way and that, not accomplishing any one thing that stares at me from my ever growing list of things to do.
I think that I am overwhelmed by the prospect of all that I need to do, and it’s fighting with wanting to do what I want to do instead.
Next month I will turn 45. I’m actually okay with that… I just wish I was where I wanted to be in life, or at the very least on my way to that destination. While there are lots of things that I regret in life, there are a lot more that I am thankful for and much more that I count my blessings over.
January will find Tom and I married 8 years. I was actually amazed when I realized this – I don’t know what amazed me more…that we have been together that length of time, or the fact that its almost 2007 already.
January holds another anniversary, the 5th anniversary since my mother passed away. I have been thinking of her more and more of late, I feel her with me on occasion, her presence like a wisp of air floating about me scented with the memory of her like a gentle touch upon my heart…just when I need it. Some days she is the center of my thoughts, wondering how things would have been, if only she had lived. Her image fades within my mind and I fight to focus and see her clearly again…but in my heart I know it isn’t the physical image that remains within me, it is her love, the remembrance of her touch upon my heart. I miss her still.
I need to complete the tasks I started this morning. I hadn’t intended to stop for so long, but after rearranging and cleaning the living room, going through those 3 weeks of mail that had soon become 4 weeks, sorting through the bills and the documents that need paid or filed, carrying out a bag of recycled paper from the mail…I felt a coffee break was in need…that was an hour ago.
I sit here, still in my pajamas, some times gazing off out the window, sometimes reaching down to caress the soft ears on my dog Maggie, knowing my touch not only comforts her, but brings about a bit of comfort for myself as well. I keep telling myself to get up shower and dress; that I have things to do….hurry, hurry, hurry screams in the back of my mind but my feet and my butt have something else to say and for now they seem to be winning that argument.
What you need, when you need it!
I have currently stepped into my own business of selling Avon…and am looking forward to becoming your Avon Representative.
Christmas is coming up and Avon has many wonderful gift ideas for you. But hey, don’t take my word for it…jump on over to my Avon site and see for yourself.
My world is filled with clutter at the moment.
There is clutter in my surroundings from partially unpacking and not having the energy to finish putting things away… the draining of strength – that bone-weary tiredness that comes from traveling, the emotional turmoil of being so, so happy to see the rest of my family again, yet feeling some betrayal at this happiness knowing how sad I was to leave Melissa and Kailie, not knowing when I will see them again.
My office is filled with clutter of partially opened boxes filled with Christmas presents that now need wrapped, 3 weeks worth of mail awaits me, sitting in a basket on the floor, my desk is cluttered with CD’s, DVD’s, receipts, invoices, trash, crumpled and used tissues, empty juice glasses and my partially full cup of coffee from this morning…it’s a wonder I can fit my keyboard on its surface.
I am torn at wanting to sit here and write, needing to take a shower and a to-do list that is growing – I have slept off and on in the recliner in the family room for the past 2 nights and days…my concentration wanes quickly from one thing to another, although I did manage to get the kitchen cleaned up yesterday afternoon. My disability continues to stay the same, the medication helps some days but most days I ache horribly, on top of which I have had this coughing thing going on for almost 2 months now – I am on my second line of antibiotics. I think I need to go off the Neurontin to see if things clear up.
My mind is filled with the clutter that comes from being in one surrounding one day and rushing into the next surrounding that afternoon– dealing with goodbyes, birthday parties, relatives, neighbors, friends, and family all in the same day my mind is seriously needing defragged.
I have a to-do list that won’t stop or wait for me to catch my breath so there is nothing to be done but jump right into it…but first I think a nice warm soothing shower is in order.
I fly home tomorrow.
I’m so torn, I am ready to go home and be with the rest of my family and among my own surroundings, but dang…I wish I could bring Melissa and Kailie with me. I am going to miss them both so much.
Does anyone have a suitcase they can send me that will hold one tiny little girl and her tiny little mommy?
Sunday it snowed, a white fluffy snow that sticks on everything that it touches, looking outside the window, my world is a winter wonderland. This morning I awoke to some huge fluffy wet flakes of snow mixed with rain, it was an amazing sight to behold, and while it was coming down pretty fast, it has yet to cover the ground in white as it melts as soon as it hits.
My heart fills with a warmth I have never before known, a smile crosses my face as echo’s of a laughing, healthy happy little girl plays with her Mommy before bed. Her squeals of excitement and the sounds of bubbling laughter drift in from the closed door across the hall. I smile in my remembrance of what those squeals and that tiny laughter meant to me all those years before when her mom was the same age – recalling the special memories my own play time with my daughter created within me and knowing that they are both creating their own memories in their own way – to remember at some distant point in their lives.
Last week it almost felt like the time with my daughter and her family was moving along pleasantly slow…a gentle pace to enjoy our time together – now that we only have 4 days left together, there comes a point in the fragility of time when we start to notice and respond with care, with listening, and with the mindfulness of what our time together means.
The golden hues of orange, vibrant shades of red, the brittleness of brown all evidence of a season past, the leaves of an un-watered plant turn crisp, and the drooping rose — left in the sun too long – wilted and withered, all evidence of the passing of time. Our perception of the way things age, with their vulnerability and their exposure, makes them more than things, more than something we pass in life. Attentiveness to the aging of things enables a sense that we are all subject to time’s flow and ebb, to share the time together meaningfully.
Which is what I have strived to do with Kailie. My relationship with Kailie has changed – it’s different, yet the same on many levels. She no longer prefers me to her mommy for comforting – I think in many ways she sees me as an interruption to her family life. While she sometimes pushes me away, wanting to scratch or hit, there are other times when she wants to cuddle and be Grandma’s little girl – I am just as confused by her behavior as I am sure she is confused by my presence in her life for such a long period. This strengthens my wish that she and her parents lived closer so that I could see them more often; that I can’t only strengthens my resolve to make sure that the time we spend together is filled with good memories to fill her little mind of a Grandmother that loves her endlessly.
The snow has stopped for now, the forecast calls for a bit more off and on throughout the day, but nothing more then an inch accumulation is expected. I keep looking at the forecast for Saturday when I have to hop in the puddle jumper that will take me to Denver to board the Boeing 737 to home – I hate flying in bad weather, and despise it even worse in a small plane that is easily tossed about in the sky like a feather in the wind.
My thoughts remind me of the weather – inconsistently on and off.
